k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
