Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
