You can't motorboat a personality
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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