Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
