Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
