Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
