i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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