just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
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