I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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