How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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