dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
