lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
