My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
