He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
