I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
My feet surprised me
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
