everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize