just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
