The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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