Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Randomize