Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize