Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
