He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
