I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
