Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
