He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
