omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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