Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
