I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
