I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
