i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
