Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
