She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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