Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
