I wish I only lived at night.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
