Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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