I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
