Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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