The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
