You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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