Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
