Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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