she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
