I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
my being single is dangerous.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
