so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
