I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
