i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize