the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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