sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
