Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
