it was like having sex with a tree stump
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
