Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
