He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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