is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
