Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
