id be glad to
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
