you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
