Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
