You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
