I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
