i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
