Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Never let your siblings swipe right.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
