I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
