yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
