I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
