I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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