um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
