I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
